A Brand New and Shiny Orleans part 2

Well, hello there.

It has been a few months since I posted my last blog. After I posted that several things seemingly happened all at once.

1.) Various family came and went through my house

2.)The seemingly never ending vicious lady in my known as semester finals reared her ugly head.

3.) I am very lazy

4.) This is really the most important, the lady friend presented in the previous part has become full on GIRLFRIEND

*FIREWORKS*

*SPARKLERS*

So needless to say the priorities shift. But my class schedule is lifted slightly for the time being so I will jump back into it.





And so we woke up bright and awake and ready to take on the city that never sleeps. We then remembered that we weren't in Vegas, put away our gambling money, and ventured into New Orleans.

If you have never been to New Orleans and you wake up in the mood for breakfast type food there is one place you need to visit at least once in your life.

It is not just a special gift package. It is a 24 coffee and beignet stand offering exactly what it says on the tin. COFFEE AND BEIGNETs! Some folks may say "DON'T GO THERE! IT'S A TOURIST TRAP" They may be right but if you have never been then you silence the inner demons of logic and get yourself some god damn coffee and beignets!

And so we did. We tried to drive straight there and we discovered something, New Orleans is kind of a bitch to drive around. Everything is close for sure, but it is also mostly one way streets so missing a turn becomes an exercise in futility. We eventually paid hopefully not too much for parking and ventured off to the legendary peddlers of caffeine and powdered sugar.

The coffee with beignets at Du Monde are special in that they put a metric fuckton of powdered sugar on the beignets.

mmm diabetes

There are no knifes and forks at this place. Pretense is given away and is instead replaced with pure animal intensity.

When my girlfriend and I went in, we began as a pretty couple from Florabama ready to experience a new town and all it had to offer.

included at no extra charge is the thumb of our waitress

When presented with our mound of dough and sugar we dove in like James Cameron searching for the titanic.

All that remains is tears

Sufficiently filled with sugar, coffee, and sadness we headed off into all New Orleans had to offer. We decided to tourist it up and go to the French Quarter.

I have never been to France but if New Orleans is an accurate representation then it mostly consists of people hocking overpriced art and people in silly costumes.

The transformer is a bit of both categories really.

After seeing the sights and loitering some nice antique shops and taking in the general macabre of New Orleans

we decided to take in a favorite place of mine in the city.

This hole in the wall bar/restaurant is a required visit every time I go to New Orleans. They also have some of the best food I have ever had. Since we already ate and we were on vacation though, we had just a light snack.

I didn't think it came in bottles

This amuse-bouche reminded me of our second main event of the day. There is an old rum distillery in New Orleans,conveniently called the "Old New Orleans Rum Distillery, that  was sadly closed on my last visit. Not one to be deterred me and my lovely lady drove to the shitty part of New Orleans ready to get our Rum on. We arrived a bit early however, and we decided to get the party going before hand.

I went to the local gas station and picked up a favorite of highschoolers and homeless nation wide.

They all have flavors but they all taste like burning

We are adorable

Appropriately liquored up (although it was probably closer to cough syrup) we ventured towards the Rum Distillery.

We were greeted with the drinks above. Some sort of ginger ale booze mixture that mystifies and amazed our already boozy bellies.


The tour then began.

We learned important facts such as what goes into Rum.

What rum goes into

What goes into rum

Mustaches

What rum goes through

And we got to try a bit of pure rum ethanol. Like moon shine for classy folks.

Though still in a mason jar

We also learned that 8 feet of water and an angry bitch named katrina will never stop people from having their rum GOD DAMN IT.

Ironically the hurricane drink does contain rum.

Sufficiently liquored up we hit the town with my sister and her now Fiancé Steve.

Where we went and how did the concert go? Find out next entry...soon probably!

A brand New and shiny Orleans part 1

I would like to talk about They Might Be Giants. Pretty much as long as I can remember I have been listening to them, intentionally or not.

When I was a kid one of my favorite shows was Tiny Toon adventures, though we just called it Tiny Toons because kids are lazy.

It was on tiny toons that I was first voluntarily exposed to TMBG (as the cool kids call them). I was likely exposed to them before then on car trips or around the house since my two older siblings also are rather large fans.

On Toons' they would occasionally have musical interludes. Two of these featured music by the infamous band.

The songs in particular were ISTANBUL and PARTICLE MAN

I have been listening pretty much regularly since then.


So around this time last year they were set to play in New Orleans at Tipitinas I bought my tickets months in advance and hi-tailed it up there. The show featured opening act Jonathan Coulton (of the great nerds vs glee war of 2013) and it was incredible. Audience participation, high energy, and a pungent smell of marijuana.

I left that show with two thoughts, They Might Be Giants are incredible and I have to go back to New Orleans as soon as possible.

It really is a magical town. The perfect mix of big city insanity with a squirt of southern charm. The one downside of the trip was that we arrived kthe day of the show and left the day after with precious little time to see the sights. Still though I loved every second of it, I toured the esoteric shops, got photos like a hipster, and got swag from the show for friends.

Hipster Shops

hipster photo

Swag Swag Swag

One such friend was an old highschool chum and current co-worker. We promised next time they are close we would travel together with enough time to take in the city.

Flash forward to November on a lark I checked TMBG's website and they were going BACK to New Orleans in March 2013...aka around now.

I once again bought tickets for myself, my sister and my friend.

Since I bought them months in advance my days consisted of EXCITEMENT, ANNOYANCE THAT IT WASN'T MARCH ALREADY, MORE EXCITEMENT.

When it came time to register to for classes I didn't take into account the fact that classes have assignments. Some such assignments are these little assholes called tests.

There was a test scheduled for day I wanted to leave.




















.......Pause for pity........












I know right? To make matters worse my friend got a better second job and it was taking up her time, so she couldn't make the trip.














....more pity please









Thank you.

This though came with some good news. Around this time I got back into contact with an old friend from the before times (high school).

Don't let the sweet face fool you, she is just as crazy as I am. Hence why she was perfect for a travel companion.


So the trip was restarted if a bit later than intended. The hotel was booked and things went along.

Then, like a miracle on 31st street, my teacher got sick. Now, I am not celebrating her getting sick but her absense means the test was pushed back.


Which means Thursday we were able to travel early. HUZZAH.


So since Malia lives in Alabama it was decided I should drive there and we will go off to New Orleans together.

So against my better judgement I drove off to ALABAMA!

I had arrived slightly early so I toured the local super market. It was called a "Wal-Mart", yeah like that will catch on.

I decided to pick up some deodorant because New Orleans is a big and smelly city and I am a big smelly man so I need to meet it halfway.

There was also conveniently a McDonalds attached to the store so I was able to enjoy my yearly tradition in honor of the season.

The great and mighty SHAMROCK SHAKE. This my friends is how you start a vacation properly.

So my friend got off work and we (we being she, I'm far too horrible of a person to drive) hit the road. We hit major ground on the interstate just as the sun was setting.

It was beautiful and like something out of a movie I wouldn't watch in a million years!

After a stop for gas and relieving fluids we stopped down in New Orleans and we checked into our hotel.

Here is where I should bring up the hotel. It's the same place that I stayed last year with my sister. The name is ST. Vincent's guest house. Whoever St. Vincent is I appreciate him shacking me up.

It the cheapest place by far I have found, only $70 a night tax and everything included. At best I would have to spend twice that per night at a proper big boy hotel.

That said, the lower price comes with certain...rustic qualities.

This is the building. It is a cool old building reconfigured into a hotel/hostel. It was easily the neatest looking building on the block.

As it is Saint Vincent's the is of course a visage of the virgin mother. So if the devil was to come out during our trip we will be protected.

After scrounging around the outside of the building trying to find the room we made and we happily not murdered.  This is the hallway of our room. I make no exaggeration that the entire time we were there this hallway REEKED of marijuana. The answer to your question, no we didn't find the source.


Now you people with your fancy marriots and holidays inn, and motel sixes might have nice amenities and little shampoo bottles and air conditioning. But do you have Arm & Hammer in the closet?

No is the answer

When we arrived we both took showers to wash the smell of travel off of us, an unhappy smell indeed.

The shower of the room was ... unique.

To get the right temperature you had to have a degree in engineering and be a graduate of Hogwarts (hufflepuff obviously)

It had to be turned just the right way or it would be either freezing cold or scalding hot. The rule we established for the trip is that you DO NOT turn the shower off after a shower if someone is going after you, so as to not disturb the balance of heat.

So calm looking, but so deadly!

Freshly showered and with  the closet fully deodorized we were ready to begin our first night in New Orleans.

OR SO I THOUGHT!

Malia informed be that we need our travel token. A foreign concept to me, the travel token is a good luck charm to make sure the visit goes swimmingly.


This was our token.

Yes it's bee mario, bee jealous... I'm sorry

And so, token in place we decided to begin we were almost out the door when we realised ... we weren't familiar with new orleans. ... Shit!

So like any pair of modern young people we did what we knew best we asked
THE INTERNET

So, yelp in hand we decided our first stop would be the majestically titled RUSTY NAIL, conveniently located 10 minutes walking away from our hotel.

With luck the bar that evening was running TRIVIA, and beer specials. Guess what I was more excited about? Trick Question, it was both!

Did we win trivia? 

NO! 

See if you can guess the answer

The bar was still very nice. Friendly patrons and bartenders, honestly the kind of place I would regularly go if I lived in town.

Also it has such quaint decor.

More bathrooms need this

Such a proud legacy

After the trivia and beers we decided we needed food. Since I had already done trivia, something that is easily done at my own town, it was decided we may as well have another slice of home.

We went to a pizza place. 

With a logo like that who wouldn't?

It was also about a minute away from the bar, so that helps. We decided to split a calzone with chicken and garlic. It is here I should mention a recurring theme of the trip, and the friendship of myself and Malia. FOURSQUARE!

The fun app for checking into your favorite places that everyone quit caring about 3 years ago. I turned Malia onto this before the trip so the recurring theme was racing to be the first to check in the all the places we visited.

Malia beat me to checking into magazine pizza and as a result of her checking in for the first time she was rewarded with a free slice of a cheesecake.

I could have got one too but that would have just been rude.

We scarfed down our food and thanks to the gigantic pieces of garlic cloves we decided to go back to the hotel and brush our teeth before going back off into the night.

We made the short, and totally not scary an murdery, trek back to our room. We freshened up and brushed our teeth.

We decided to sober up a bit to enjoy the evening more. During this I decided to take in the room a bit more.

I noticed the room came with a microwave that used, not buttons like our plebeian microwaves at home, but infact knobs.

FUCKING KNOBS!

I starred at this for a good 5 minutes in awe ...

 I was a little drunk.

To aide in our sober duties we took in some television to relax us.

This television by the way had cable FREE OF CHARGE. Yeah, we live the good life.

Does the Sheridan put tv's on wicker? I think not!

So relaxed on our comfy not uncomfortable bed we watched some tv all ready to hit the town again and then promptly... fell asleep.

Malia may say that I FELL ASLEEP first and she merely followed my suit but these are dirty and definitely not true lies!!!!!

So, thus ended our first night in New Orleans. What will happen next?

Will we ever wake up?

Will we ever see They Might Be Giants?

Will we drink more?

The answer to all of these is Yes, Yes, and Obviously but still read the next installment of THE TRIP TO NEW ORLEANS TO SEE THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS AND SEE OTHER STUFF AS WELL HOPEFULLY. 

A small sized attempt at a new medium.

So I have had my finger in many pies artistically speaking. In the world of film I have made documentaries , Claymation (sort of) , Music Videos , and whatever this is . In the world of literature I have Short stories , and even an unfinished novel (still no updates on that btw).  One thing I have never gotten into is the more traditional medium of art.

This is due to my complete and total lack of skill in that regard. I can barely draw a line and any attempt at drawing anything resembling an actual human figure looks like something out of Dali's nightmares, and not in a good way either.

Recently though I decided to get a bug in my ass to make something. What had struck me was a lemon box at my work.

There was just something so fascinating about it. The silliness of it, the classic nature, and the near copy write infringement of superman.

Superman really needed more fruit in
his diet.

I realized then I had to take this home and do something with it. Using a trusty box cutter I did the only thing I could ... cut the box. Note my previous remark about straight lines, the left part of where I cut was a little rough. Already my art career is starting in the gutter. Not letting this stop me I soldiered on.

I figured the best was to go about this would be to glue it to canvas and Modgepodge over the front. 

In MOD we trust.

If you are unfamiliar with the podge, it is a glue and sealer. So: add a heaping amount it to the top of a craft and then BOOM instant art!

That is really all I know about it, I haven't worked with it before this. Honestly despite using and looking at it during the project I thought it was spelled "Modge Podge" and didn't know otherwise until looking for a photo. So I not the expert here, if you wish to do a similar project, google is your friend.

ANYWAY, I went to the hobby lobby in town and picked up my supplies. Supplies actually just consisted of canvases because we happened to have paint brushes and mod podge lying around the house because we are an arty lot in my family. 

The offending Mr. Squeeze was on cardboard so the first step before any arting can go on was to separate the awesome super lemon man from its cardboard prison. You can saw away with a knife of any kind (from x-acto to not so) but the way I found the best was to slowly pull it away by hand.

Very Slowly

These photos are taken 8 hours apart.

The reason to be so careful is that if there is a tear it will effectively ruin the entire project. I say this, it may not really. In my crazy head though, a small tear would spell disaster moreso than "insert disaster here". Yeah! that one!

So while meticulously tearing away my goal was to go slow and careful. If what I pulled up had a brown back I knew it was solid and easier to work with. If what I pulled up had a white back then I knew it would be more susceptible to tears and thus ruined for life.

SHIT!

One mini freakout later I was thankfully able to remove it without further incident. With that done I needed to cut the image to fit the canvas. This went mostly without incident.

I say mostly because you note the area cut versus the line drawn. Not to horribly aggravating though, the aggravating will come later. You'll see. 

With it cut MOSTLY without a problem it was time to get the other part. In addition to cutting off the Mr. Squeeze I also removed the logo for the fruit company.

It's owned by free masons apparently 

With a hopefully more steady hand I removed the outer parts of the image.

AND?

SUCCESS!

  So feeling accomplished I carefully glue the cut outs to the canvas, as seen here.

Yes we Can-vas ...
 I'll let myself out

Said canvas was actually purchased for $3 for a pack of two at hobby lobby. Say what you will about their religious convictions, those crazies pack a sale.

 The gluing goes mostly without a hitch. MOSTLY. But again I'll get to that soon.

So everything glued I gather my materials and wait for glue to dry.

It's a nice long boring task. But I usually find ways to kill that time.

 The glue dries and I add my first coat of the mysterious podge of life.

I wasn't able to get photos of the application process but for the curious the process is as follows

Brush

+

=

 Mindlessly slathering on goop is not exactly a skill, but I do still feel a sense of pride once the first coat is applied.

 Those familiar with the podge of unforgiving greatness know that it requires several coats to get the desired effect.

So the first applied I go to relax while it dries. But before I can start my ritual

I notice something about the canvas.

ENHANCE!

ENHANCE!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE

I have not only improperly cut my amateur art piece I have glued and sealed the error for it to remain for all eternity. 

So with nothing left to do I finish sealing my "art" and the quotations must remain for I will be damned if my mistake can be called a true artistic statement I need a bigger drinking problem and less ears for mistakes to be considered successes. 

I have my masterpiece hanging up text to my bed as a reminder of never trying new things. Or perhaps it is a reminder of keep trying and persevering through failures. 

Well thank you for your time. Maybe I will take up poetry next.