The third Entry

Again this entry is based on actual events. Tesla was friends with many prominent people in society. Twain's bathroom escapade also actually happened. It's the real things in life that make us smile. Enjoy.

2

            Mark had good company the following day: Fellow author and rival mustachioed gentleman Francis Marion Crawford, the lead of the fatal play “our American cousin” and general famous actor Joseph Jefferson, and writer and diplomat Robert Underwood Johnson. Johnson would actually become very close friends with Tesla himself, but that’s another story. Everyone gathered into to tesla’s lab to witness the experiments. They were certainly something to behold. Huge streaks of what appeared to be lightning traveling across the room some fifteen feet. The camera was also especially exciting. The first photographs to ever take advantage of phosphorescent light were taken for the group. Twain, like the others, marveled at this and couldn’t believe what he was seeing. One of the most interesting things to Twain was a device Tesla called the mechanical oscillator. This was sort of a crude engine running on AC power. Tesla noticed that the machine put out a series of vibrations that he figured would be therapeutic. Also giving people the chance to take “high voltage sparks throughout the body in their photographs” said a hopefully joking Tesla.  Without skipping a beat Twain jumped at the experience to be a guinea pig for the experiment. “Are you sure?” asked a hesitant Tesla. “Nikola, either these experiments work or they will kill me. Either way we are making history, and I trust you enough that ‘Maniac Scientist Kills Author’ won’t be the headline” Twain took the photo, which to this day is still famous. Then he stood on the oscillator platform while Tesla activated the machine and the vibrations flew through him. Twain was, probably for the first time in his life, giddy with excitement. He yelled over the machine and the vibrations “This giiiiiives yoooou viggggoooooor and vatallllllllllityyyyyyyy.” Everyone laughed and cheered him along. Eventually Tesla implored Twain to get off since his lab techs had experienced similar vibrations on other experiments they knew the inevitable fate of sitting for too long. “Nonsense Nikola this is far to enjoyable to stop now” Twain said while making punching gestures in the air. A few minutes later Twain jumped off with much quickness and a worried look on his face “Quick Tesla. Where is it?” Tesla pointed to the nearest restroom and Twain bolted off as quick as his legs would carry him. It seems that prolonged intense vibrations have a laxative effect on people. Though two major events began that day. Tesla would start work on the world’s first vibrating chair/toilet and Twain never called Tesla by his first name again. Tesla was fine with this because he said his first name coming from Twain’s heavy accent sounded like a dying bird.

            Eventually the others left and Twain and Tesla retired to have a scotch and history trivia session. After the game concluded Tesla confided in his new friend that inventing can be disheartening. He explained “It seems I cannot go even a week without some unscrupulous man coming in with the idea of weaponizing my inventions for god knows what reason.” I say no of course but the more resilient ones come back more determined with more money, it’s almost enough to make a man quit the world of science and move back home.” Mark was stunned “you are talking crazy Tesla, the country would be ruined without you. These people, they need someone to show them what’s what.” Tesla stood up at attention “Now that’s a good idea! Follow me Sam.” Tesla hurried down the corridor with Twain trying to keep up. They went through Tesla’s lab and past all the inventions they exhibited that day. Past they walked by lab tables, chalkboards, drawing boards, and what appeared to be a combination lunch nook and sleeping quarters for the lab technicians and possibly Tesla himself on long nights. They finally stopped next to two large doors with several locks. Tesla grabbed a wooden box from the desk near the doors, which jingled as he picked it up. One by one Nickola Tesla picked up a key out of the box and unlocked one lock on the door and then dropped in box. Seven separate locked were undone by seven separate keys. Finally unlocked Tesla swung the doors up and went in encouraging Twain to follow close behind. “I am flattered sir but I do not think this friendship is mutual in the way you may hope” half joked Twain. Tesla chuckled “You are flattering yourself Samuel.” Tesla lit several lanterns and the room was illuminated bringing into scope the room. “My dear god”, gasped Twain. 

The second entry

This next entry is shorter than the first. Along with the previous entry this is a prologue of sorts to the novel. I didn't mention earlier but some of the more interesting things in this and previous section actually happened. Edison actually did execute an elephant in front of a large crowd, though Twain and his brother were not present.  The meeting of Tesla and Twain was not actually at a restaurant but actually at a club that is mentioned below. Enjoy!

                                                          1 (part 2)

Twain approached Tesla from across the room “I’m terribly sorry to interrupt sir but I have read your work and I think you’re a genius, and your hatred of the madman Edison only cements this further.” Tesla sat with his mouth agape he wasn’t sure of how long he sat that way but it felt like hours “Mr. Clemens the fact that you are a fan of mine is mind boggling…and now I realize I just called you Mr. Clemens. Do you prefer Mr. Twain or Mark or…dear god I’m babbling.” Twain flashed a large smile “Sam is fine, and Mr. Tesla we could gush over each other all night but I fear it would ruin the appetites of these patrons. Perhaps we can talk like gentleman in a more civil setting. My brother and I (he gestures to Orion and Orion politely waves and joins the men after paying for meal) were invited to a party that I wouldn’t be caught dead visiting. Unfortunately I have been thrown in the role of socialite so I have to keep that up, it would honor us to have someone to speak to with an IQ higher than a grapefruit.” Tesla flashes a smile very similar to Twain’s “ A writer, a politician and scientist walk into a party, sounds like a bad joke. I cannot wait” Orion completed the hat trick of giant smiles “I’m a politician like Mark is a inventor.” “Well Orion we can’t all feed the chickens.” Mark said as the men headed into the night.

Famous actor Edwin Booth founded the New York social club “The Players” also known amongst those in the know as “The Players Club.” Anyone who was anyone was a member of the club and much to his chagrin that included Mark. He would always go when he was in New York and his experiences were usually the same. He would try and relax with a scotch and say his polite thank yous to the actors who complimented his work. Eventually he would be forced to get and regale the room with a story. Many laughs and gasps were often had and seemingly everyone had a good time. Twain hated each and every last one of them. Tonight was different, however, tonight he was with his brother and his scientific mentor. On Tesla’s side, things weren’t much different. A place he had never been but gladly avoided and yet he was happy to be there with his literary mentor. Of course they were forced to tell halfhearted stories of invention and fiction but for the most part they stuck to themselves.

“So Sam” said Tesla “It must awkward for you and Orion to be a club founded by the brother man who (tesla whispers) assassinated (regular voice) the man who thrust you into the world of politics” “Nikola, Edwin is his own person. I know I’m not my brother, I mean who would want to be a jackass with an ugly mustache and a need to write steam boats into every novel?” “And besides” said Twain “I think everyone secretly wishes their boss was dead, it’s not Orion’s fault that his boss was the president.” Orion placed his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose and held back a laugh “well on that note of treason I will be making my exit. I have a long coach ride in the morning, good night gentlemen. Twain hugged and shook his brother’s hand “My love to Mollie and the chickens.”

The two men laughed and shared stories for a few more hours. Twain told Tesla about stories he was starting and Tesla told about inventions he was just starting on. Tesla continued “ I have actually invited a group of people to witness my experiments, we will even be taking pictures, it’s sure to be exciting it would greatly please me if you would join them.” “I would to go Nikola, but if there is an elephant involved I swear I will sock you in the mouth” joked Twain. “Samuel, if there is an elephant than I will sock myself in the mouth” joked Tesla. The two laughed and when they made their separate ways they promised to meet in the morning.

Introduction and the first bit

                       As some of you may know I tried to do the novel writing project NaNoWriMo, wherein you write 50,000 words of a novel or a 50,000 word novel whichever came first. Well with nine days left and under 2/5 of the way through finishing is impossible. I decided to make a blog to show what I did write. I rather enjoyed writing it and hopefully showing my work will  either encourage me to finish or at least share what could have been. 

A couple of important notes. The novel is about the friendship of Mark Twain and Nikola Tesla. Also as the purpose was to write as much as possible, quality may take a dive at times. Of course as always with me grammar is rather shitty, I apologize. I will try and part this out with some frequency and make entries of a not insanely large length.

Two well-dressed men walk into a restaurant. The first younger man is tall with tall hair and an unruly mustache and an untrusting look in his eyes. The other has more well kempt hair and stylish beard along with a trusting stare. In modern times they might have been mistaken for a homeless man being taken to lunch by his social worker. In this time, however, the two gentlemen were recognized for wholly different reasons. “That Edison is a lunatic egotist” says the man. “Sam, we are in public company, keep your voice down” said Orion Clemens “that lunatic as you call him, is well regarded in the community and you’d do well to note that.” Samuel Clemons, better known as Mark Twain was never shy of letting his opinion known so something as trivial as puplic convention wasn’t going to stop him from bad mouthing Thomas Edison. 

Although primarily known for his works of literature Clemons and his brother were actually very interested in the world of science.  Orion was actually known amongst his family as a bit of an inventor since his retirement from politics. His favorite of them was a nifty little device that is set to a timer and feeds his chickens. Because of that handy invention Orion was able to sleep in during the morning, something he had not done since childhood. Twain never made anything as active as that but he was no slouch either. He made a crude replacement of suspenders, a history trivia game and a self-adhesive scrapbook. The first two never took off, though the trivia game was quite popular at parties however, though the scrapbook was really popular amongst housewives and glues sniffers.

So of course the two jumped at the opportunity to meet the famed scientist Thomas Edison. The experience was less than stellar. At the time Edison was at a war with his former protégé Nikola Tesla over the advantages of direct current over alternating current. Twain wasn’t aware of this. He had previous become aware of Tesla’s experiment with the AC polyphase system as was fascinated with them. So he was under the impression that Tesla and Edison still worked together and might even get a chance to meet Tesla as well. Turns out the invitations were extremely vague. They were actually going to “meet Edison” at a public execution.

            Topsy was the victim of the execution. She wasn’t a typical execution victim, she weighed several thousand pounds and she was an elephant. She was a circus elephant who had killed three people. Never mind the fact that one of those was her former trainer who got his jollies by beating her and feeding her lit cigarettes, She was deemed unsafe and was to be put to death.  The initial idea was to hang the elephant. Common sense and the ASPCA ruled that was a very badly thought out idea. It was decided that electrocution was the way to go and Edison was a figure on electricity at the time so he was chosen to do the honors. He was reluctant at first until he realized it would be a good way to show that alternating current for more deadly than direct current. The masses gathered to watch to murder and much joy was had. Elephant ears were given to the children in attendance. The winners of a raffle were given ivory plaques commemorating the event. The execution itself was captured using the hottest thing of the time: the moving pictures!

            “Sam you should be honored, he invited specifically as a fan of your work” Mark’s brother pleaded. “I don’t have to be nice to everyone who reads my work, you read my work and I call you an asshole at least once a day … asshole”, said Mark. He continued “also I would hope a fan of the written word would be able to craft an invitation more clearly than this” Mark pulls out the invitation and mocking puffs his suit collar “Master Twain as a tremendous fan of yours I am aware you are a fan of science. It would be my pleasure to invite you to this once in lifetime example showing the potential of alternating current. For those unable to make it to this happening I am extremely pleased to announce we will be capturing it with the relatively new ‘Film Camera.’ It would bring a wonderful sense of class to the event to have a man of your stature involved.” Twain finishes this whilst making a crude masturbatory gesture. “It’s a pretty loose form of the word that makes potential mean ‘Alternating current is evil and dangerous and nothing like honest and holy direct current that by-the-way I would receive a huge windfall in it being accepted across the board’. And of course not even once does he say anything about FUCKING KILLING AN ELEPHANT FOR CHRIST SAKES.” The two men sat in silence for the next several minutes while eating their food and drinking their coffee.

          Twain and his brother were finishing their food when they heard the door of the restaurant open. “That Edison is unbearable and out of his damn mind!” sad the man with a thick accent, he touched the door nob 5 times before closing it “A coffee if you please” he sat down. “I should box that mans ears, the nerve of going in to a polite establishment and yelling profanity as if everyone wants to hear it” said Orion. Mark spoke in hushed tone “That’s Nikola Tesla you asshole!” “Well that’s twice you’re going above and beyond the call of duty dear brother” joked Orion. “I said at least once a day, now I am going to talk to first person who has made sense all day” Mark says as he walks away.