As some of you may know I tried to do the novel writing project NaNoWriMo, wherein you write 50,000 words of a novel or a 50,000 word novel whichever came first. Well with nine days left and under 2/5 of the way through finishing is impossible. I decided to make a blog to show what I did write. I rather enjoyed writing it and hopefully showing my work will either encourage me to finish or at least share what could have been.
A couple of important notes. The novel is about the friendship of Mark Twain and Nikola Tesla. Also as the purpose was to write as much as possible, quality may take a dive at times. Of course as always with me grammar is rather shitty, I apologize. I will try and part this out with some frequency and make entries of a not insanely large length.
Two well-dressed men walk into a restaurant. The first younger man is tall with tall hair and an unruly mustache and an untrusting look in his eyes. The other has more well kempt hair and stylish beard along with a trusting stare. In modern times they might have been mistaken for a homeless man being taken to lunch by his social worker. In this time, however, the two gentlemen were recognized for wholly different reasons. “That Edison is a lunatic egotist” says the man. “Sam, we are in public company, keep your voice down” said Orion Clemens “that lunatic as you call him, is well regarded in the community and you’d do well to note that.” Samuel Clemons, better known as Mark Twain was never shy of letting his opinion known so something as trivial as puplic convention wasn’t going to stop him from bad mouthing Thomas Edison.
Although primarily known for his works of literature Clemons and his brother were actually very interested in the world of science. Orion was actually known amongst his family as a bit of an inventor since his retirement from politics. His favorite of them was a nifty little device that is set to a timer and feeds his chickens. Because of that handy invention Orion was able to sleep in during the morning, something he had not done since childhood. Twain never made anything as active as that but he was no slouch either. He made a crude replacement of suspenders, a history trivia game and a self-adhesive scrapbook. The first two never took off, though the trivia game was quite popular at parties however, though the scrapbook was really popular amongst housewives and glues sniffers.
So of course the two jumped at the opportunity to meet the famed scientist Thomas Edison. The experience was less than stellar. At the time Edison was at a war with his former protégé Nikola Tesla over the advantages of direct current over alternating current. Twain wasn’t aware of this. He had previous become aware of Tesla’s experiment with the AC polyphase system as was fascinated with them. So he was under the impression that Tesla and Edison still worked together and might even get a chance to meet Tesla as well. Turns out the invitations were extremely vague. They were actually going to “meet Edison” at a public execution.
Topsy was the victim of the execution. She wasn’t a typical execution victim, she weighed several thousand pounds and she was an elephant. She was a circus elephant who had killed three people. Never mind the fact that one of those was her former trainer who got his jollies by beating her and feeding her lit cigarettes, She was deemed unsafe and was to be put to death. The initial idea was to hang the elephant. Common sense and the ASPCA ruled that was a very badly thought out idea. It was decided that electrocution was the way to go and Edison was a figure on electricity at the time so he was chosen to do the honors. He was reluctant at first until he realized it would be a good way to show that alternating current for more deadly than direct current. The masses gathered to watch to murder and much joy was had. Elephant ears were given to the children in attendance. The winners of a raffle were given ivory plaques commemorating the event. The execution itself was captured using the hottest thing of the time: the moving pictures!
“Sam you should be honored, he invited specifically as a fan of your work” Mark’s brother pleaded. “I don’t have to be nice to everyone who reads my work, you read my work and I call you an asshole at least once a day … asshole”, said Mark. He continued “also I would hope a fan of the written word would be able to craft an invitation more clearly than this” Mark pulls out the invitation and mocking puffs his suit collar “Master Twain as a tremendous fan of yours I am aware you are a fan of science. It would be my pleasure to invite you to this once in lifetime example showing the potential of alternating current. For those unable to make it to this happening I am extremely pleased to announce we will be capturing it with the relatively new ‘Film Camera.’ It would bring a wonderful sense of class to the event to have a man of your stature involved.” Twain finishes this whilst making a crude masturbatory gesture. “It’s a pretty loose form of the word that makes potential mean ‘Alternating current is evil and dangerous and nothing like honest and holy direct current that by-the-way I would receive a huge windfall in it being accepted across the board’. And of course not even once does he say anything about FUCKING KILLING AN ELEPHANT FOR CHRIST SAKES.” The two men sat in silence for the next several minutes while eating their food and drinking their coffee.
Twain and his brother were finishing their food when they heard the door of the restaurant open. “That Edison is unbearable and out of his damn mind!” sad the man with a thick accent, he touched the door nob 5 times before closing it “A coffee if you please” he sat down. “I should box that mans ears, the nerve of going in to a polite establishment and yelling profanity as if everyone wants to hear it” said Orion. Mark spoke in hushed tone “That’s Nikola Tesla you asshole!” “Well that’s twice you’re going above and beyond the call of duty dear brother” joked Orion. “I said at least once a day, now I am going to talk to first person who has made sense all day” Mark says as he walks away.
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